threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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