I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
