Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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