I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
