You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize