why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
