I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
