i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize