i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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