How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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