I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
