I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
