I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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