i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
