He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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