i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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