Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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