Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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