ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
