Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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