I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
