just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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