She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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