One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
