using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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