Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
