Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
