Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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