but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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