She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
