Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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