Soap is not a condiment
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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