Umm I'm too high to move.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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