I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i already hear my dad disowning me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
