OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
