if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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