4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
