I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
