You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
