I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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