he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
