You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
