I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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