Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
