Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
