I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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