this just has baby written all over it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
