I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
