my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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