but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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