Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
