stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
