the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
