Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
