I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize