I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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