U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
