I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
