Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
