If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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