Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He? As in you personified your dick?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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