I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
