Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
