I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
