I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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